A Different Kind Of Episode
There is no debate in this one. No submissions, no red or green, no fence. We pulled twelve questions neither of us had ever put to the other one and just answered them, in order, on camera. A couple of them we skipped on the spot — the 'what have you almost said to me in a fight and stopped yourself' one got a flat plead the fifth from Curtis, and honestly, fair.
We opened on money. Curtis's answer was that he is not broke and he knows he is not broke, but he feels broke, because the list of things he wants for this family is longer than what is in the account. Honade widened it out — the cost of living, the way a raise gets eaten by gas the same week, the fact that you now have to choose between clone meat and real meat. Her point was that in this economy it is easy for anybody to feel broke.
The Quiet, The Mirror, And The Question That Went Somewhere Nobody Planned
The strongest stretch of part one is the one about going quiet. Honade said her read is always that he is building a master plan, so she does not even try to interrupt. Curtis let that sit and then went somewhere much heavier — that the quiet started as a kid, when he was on medication and would sit locked in his own head all day without saying a word, and that it never really left. His words were that sometimes it is business, but most times it is just that trauma creeping back up and you do not even know it. He also gave her the tell: if he is quiet longer than ten minutes and nothing has gotten done, it is deeper than work.
What Honade said back is the line we keep coming back to. She told him she would rather he sit in silence in the same room than take himself off somewhere, because the distance is what makes her start wondering if it is her — and then she told him he is not wrong for needing time to himself, ever, and that if anybody ever made him feel wrong for needing space he should reevaluate who he is around. The mirror question earlier in the episode had already gotten spicy: Curtis said her confidence is not as high as it should be for somebody that beautiful, Honade told him flat out that was not a good answer, and then pushed the whole question past looks into whether he likes what he has achieved.
The Broke Years, Leaving, And Praying For Each Other's Exes
Part two gets into whether God let the hard years happen or whether that was just them. Curtis said he knows God put them through it, and he named the receipt: the stretch where they went semi-broke together, she was DoorDashing nine hours a day with the kids in the car, and he realized this person is actually down for him. He also admitted it humbled him, because before that he thought he was hot stuff and had a quiet suspicion nobody would deal with him if he was not providing. Honade's version was simpler — they both took time to grow and they accept each other flaws and all, and that is how she knows God was in it.
Then the leaving question. Honade's answer was that he would always know, because she cannot hold water and cannot fake the funk — she genuinely does not understand how somebody plans an exit three months out while still cuddling you at night. Curtis agreed from the other side, saying if he ever fell away he would have warned her a thousand times, and reached for his old GM days to explain it: when it is time to fire somebody, nobody is ever shocked, because by the fifth sit-down they already know. And in part three, one of the most surprising answers in the whole episode — Curtis prays for her children's fathers, not out of niceness but because if he prays for somebody enough it is hard for him to keep hating them. Honade said she has never prayed for hers; she prayed for a forgiving heart instead.
Why You Need The Full Episode
The clips carry the headline answers. The full episode carries the pauses — the moment Honade tells him to be careful asking a partner if there is a version of them you miss, because you might not like what comes back, and the closing stretch where the question stops being about the past and turns into what they want a year from now.
The full episode is on Patreon at patreon.com/c/messytalks. And the real ask on this one: pick one of these questions, ask your partner tonight, and tell us in the comments what happened.
“It's no version of you I miss. I like the woman you have grown into.”
“You're not wrong for needing some time for yourself ever.”
Where it splits
There are no submissions and no verdicts in this one — just twelve questions the hosts had never asked each other, answered with the cameras already running. The thread running through it is the distance between being broke and feeling broke, and how rarely the second lifts when the first does. A couple of questions get skipped outright, and the hesitation before those is as revealing as any answer.
The debate
- Do you still feel broke — even when you know you're not?The feeling reliably outlasts the circumstance, sometimes by years. Knowing the number in the account changes surprisingly little.
- When your partner goes quiet, what do you assume is going on in their head?Almost everyone assumes the silence is about them. It usually is not, and the assumption does more damage than the quiet.
- Was there ever a moment you thought about leaving and they never knew?This is the question that makes the room go still. Answering it honestly on camera is a different thing from answering it at all.
- Is there a version of your partner you miss — and should you ever say it out loud?The trap is that the honest answer and the kind answer are not always the same sentence.
- What are you proud of them for that you have never actually said?The gap between what people feel and what they have said out loud is the entire premise of this episode.